Yeah, I just don't get it anymore. Im just sitting in my chair, typing my fingers off. My eyes are closed, and whatever comes to mind... i'll just be typing. Screw grammar, screw spelling, just screw structure.
Life has always been full of difficulties. I understand that. Of course, life without difficulties is... not life. you've not found life yet if life isn't difficult for you now.
i find it o hardto forget someone that you truly really like... For quite a long time. All of a suddeny they just leave, and... it'll be hard for you to see them ever again. i understand how that feels. It just haooened. She just quit and left. I didn't even know... until her last day. Which technically she wasn't evn supposed to work. they just reprinted schedules, and forgot to mark her off the schedule. I hate this. I truly hate this.
On the last day, I didn't even talk to her. I was replaying scenes of me saying to her: "I wish you didn't leave." I just kept replaying it and replaying it. Thining through what her reactions would be, how I would react. I just don't get it. She makes me feel so nervous, i'm not even myself when i'm around her.  I kept replaying it, ut... nothing ever happened In the end, I left her alone. just didn't talk to her for the rest of the shift. It aws.... THE longest hour of my life. THE LONGEST. IT FELT way MORE THAN AN HOUR. I felt like dying. Right there. I'm losing sleep. I can't even sleep, not without thinking..
They say the fastest way to forget something is t not think about it. But human thoughts.... they just pop up, especiallly since you're in love. You've fallen too great into the hole.

I'm in gr.11 now. next year (this coming sept), i'm gonna be in gr. 12. I still don't know what I'm looking for in life. What th hell do i want to do in UnBut I'm not. I want to know what I am going to be doing for the rest of my life. I'm stuck between so many different oppurtinities. So many choices, and so many things that just interest me. Like what? Graphic design, psychology, arts, drama, singing, teaching, video gaming, languages. THOSE are so vague. So very vague. What can i do? Nothing. just htink about it obviously. Thnk about what I will be doing. is that it? is that what I really want ot be doing is gonna be the last question that comes to mind. Why am it hinking so far ahead? I'm thinking aboug everything. Everything comes into place when i'm thinking.
The littlest things that have nothing to do with each other, I put them together. For example, school Ill be seeing more of her. Just more and more. but of course, it depends which school, which whatever. the time slots may be different.
I hate it when i do that. just put everything together. I HATE THIS. I don't have a clue on what I should be doin.

People are doing around me, and I don't give a damn tear for them. I just can't. I ust don't know how to feel about this whole situation. Grandmother has breat cancer, ya really think she'll stay alive for long? I certainly dn't think so. But what can I do? I don't even shed a tear for the old lady that has raised me when my parents are out for work. I don't shed a tear for the horrible attitude for my grandfather, when he's almost just like a father to me. He's watched me from I was young, 'till nnow. He's probably been with me more. More... I don't shed a tear for the people around me, their stresses. their problems. But what can I do? Lend a shoulder, lend an ear. Hear them out, provide them comfort. In the end. Who the hell comforts me?
veryone has problems. I may think my problem is bigger than others. But that's not true. that is not true at all.
everyone's problems are just as great as with each other. It depends on how it affects you as a person. How it affects your life. Obviously. If you do not look at it that much. Your problem may not seem that big.
My problem's are just everything that's happening around me: family, friends, love, studies, just... LIFE. god dammit. WHAT is life? breathing. giving birth. because humans have the extra time, we create entertainment. games, race cars, work, dating. WHY?!
life is just cruel. it's just cruel. 
 

You know when you go to the supermarket and you buy eggs or some sort of fragile item... and when you insist on carrying that fragile item you (usually) would accidentally drop it? Then, afterward your parents would scold you? Saying you should have never held on to the eggs (for example), and they keep going at it.. Like you can't hear a word they're saying? Yeah. Those times? And even as you're growing older until the age of... let's say 16? And when you make a simple mistake such as the one above, they start scolding you like whatever?
And what if... an adult, like your mom or dad accidentally drops the carton of eggs? What happens? You gasp, and then your parents just sort of pretends nothing happened, and just proceeds to get another carton of eggs... Why, is there a difference? I mean, both of us has made the same mistake, one gets yelled at, while the other just carries on with life, like nothing has happened?
Interesting.

I'm a little kid, I must admit, being 16 doesn't really mean anything.
So let me ask something... Why does it matter who I like? No, let me rephrase it. Why do 16 year olds find it so amusing to know who likes who?
I have a friend who just keeps pestering me about who I like.... I don't bother you about it, why do you bother me about it? Is it an absolute need to know who I like? Isn't this my own personal secret? So I can admire them from afar?
Honestly speaking, even if you knew, what good does that do to anyone? To you, the fact that your best friend likes so and so? To me, the fact that I just told my (hugest) secret to my other best friend?

yea, what's the big... y'know, thing about knowing who I like? you telling me who you like is totally your own liberty~ I understand that you want others to know about your crush, but did I once say I want others to know who I like? No. So, other 16 year olds out there, WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?!
I'm 16 myself, but I understand, this is a secret.... If you do not want others to know, it's OK to keep it to yourself.
I know that's what I'm doing.